I've often been alone, but I've never lived alone. When I was with someone, I was often happy. But at the same time, it all seemed a coincidence, it could have been others. Why was this brown-eyed boy my brother not the green-eyed boy on the oppsite platform? The taxi driver's daughter was my friend, but I might as well have put my arm round a horse's neck.
I was with a man in love, and I might as well have left him there and gone off with the stranger I met in the street. ..Look at me or don't. Give me your hand or don't...
No, don't give me the hand, and look away. I think tonight is the new moon. No night more peaceful. No bloodshed in all the city. Yet I've never opened my eyes and thought: Now it's serious. At last it's becoming serious.
So I've grown older. Was I the only one who wasn't serious? Is it our times that are not serious? Neither when I was alone, nor with others. But I would have liked to be alone at last.
Loneliness means I'm finally whole. Now I can say it, as tonight I'm at last alone. I must put an end to coincidence.
...... ......
Last night, I dreamt of a stranger of my man, only with him I could be alone...open up to him, wholly open, open for him, welcome him wholly into me, surround him with the labyrinth of shared happiness. I know... it's you.
柏林苍穹下 Der Himmel über Berlin （1987）
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